Its tricky because I think I felt something for Joe. Joe was about 9 or 10 years older than I was when. But after what my cousin did, I think I conditioned it in my head that I can only get that intense pleasure that an orgasm makes you feel if a man sucking my dick.Īt this point I should also point out that another guy took advantage of me (my cousin's friend - not the same cousin who took advantage of me) let's call him Joe. There was this one girl who I had the hots for mainly because she was almost as good as me on the swing (young love at its finest). You see looking back into the past, before he took advantage of me, I distinctly remember having crushes on girls (when I was first grade or kindergarten? I can't math, more of a biology guy). I developed some pretty serious self esteem issues, I developed some extreme anxiety, I convinced myself that I am dumb, and worst of all (and this is where I would need your insight guys) I got confused about my sexuality. Aside from him being my cousin (this makes me sick), social norms dictate that two men doing sexual acts is a no no. He stopped taking advantage of me when our families had a falling out (he manipulated my sister into stealing money from my mom so that he could buy a new phone).Īnyway, growing up I realized what happened was wrong. Anyway, the cure that he meant involved me putting my dick up his ass in a the bathroom (my dick was too small to do the job, so luckily it didn't happen). He even said, and I quote, "my dad did this to me once" (which I think is a lie, because my cousin has serious problems - liar, manipulative, etc.). Since I am in the bathroom right now, I remember this one situation where I had a fever and he told me that he knew the best way to cure fevers. The sexual acts that followed this event consisted of him giving me blowjobs, kissing me everywhere (even left a kiss mark on my neck), frotting, etc. Maybe its because I'm dumb or maybe its because I trusted my cousin since he is family but I never did tell anyone (I beat myself up every time I think about it). As I was leaving he said that I shouldn't tell anyone of what happened. I puked immediately and he panicked I guess because he said I could leave. He then unbuckled his pants and shoved his dick into my mouth. I, being as curious as any kid, said okay. He came home from school, called me into his room and told me that he wants to try something he saw at his school today. I was at their house because we had the same tutor. I remember the very first time it happened. No penetration, yes to every other sexual acts.
But I digress, this is a story for another time.īack to the main story my gay cousin (about 5 or 6 years older than me) took advantage of me as a kid. I would lose interest in things that I don't find interesting and would be mediocre or above average in those things). I excelled in classes that I liked), bad because it made me lose interest in things that I found I do not like (I.e. I figured out what I am interested in at an early age, which is both good and bad: good in that I know what I want (I.e. Been lurking for exactly 3 months incognito, I am 24 y/o, still in university (long story, not that relevant), never been on a date with any gender, my first kiss was from this street performer covered in silver body paint which she (looked like a girl) planted on my lips as I was leaning down to drop money (ran away like an idiot spitting whatever I could whenever I could).